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August 29 Tuesday and still raining!Today is dismal. Raining, damp, and only 66 degrees. And this is August. The oil furnace was having it's share of problems; yesterday I replaced the electrical element - for the third time and this morning no heat or hot water. So today we replaced the motor which was running hot and cutting out so we'll give this a try. Fourth service call since March but fortunately they have been good about a "no-charge" until the problem is resolved. If I wouldn't be embarrassed, I'd start the wood stove going except I haven't brought any wood in for the season as of yet and what is outside is drenched.
The day isn't my own. I have two painters working and they decided that the light green that was on the living room walls needed to be primed before I put on the light yellow. And the bedroom couldn't be painted because there were some imperfections and it needed to be spackled first. And of course, the spackled area will need to be primed as well before they can paint that room. So we've just added another day in this series of painting rooms!
Yesterday I had to move armoire's around and move the one in my bedroom elsewhere until I move the replacement back into my bedroom - that is after the room is repainted. Anyway, after moving all the clothes out, we moved the piece into a front room but not until I heard all kinds of stuff rattling around inside it. Upon further investigation, I found about 3 cups of dried dog food inside on the bottom. I had four cats, and one dog. The last two cats went to cat heaven the past year but one of them liked to sneak into the armoire late at night. I was never really sure which one but never suspected that she was stealing the dog's dried food and hording it in the armoire. I usually left the armoire open three inches because I knew one of them was sneaking in but never suspected that she was using it as a repository for food. Talk about embarrassing. Anyway, that is how much of my day is going.So....until tomorrow. Bittersweet August 27 Sunday and raining.The last weekend in August and it feels like we should be in late September. While there is still 3 plus weeks of summer, I almost feel as if the summer is over. I actually almost get a little depressed with this transition. For the better part of the year we look forward to the out-of-doors and summer and now we have to think fall and battening down the hatch. Don't get me wrong, I love the beauty of the fall folliage and I love the serenity that comes with winter. A snow storm does wonders for the soul especially when all is quiet and the landscape takes on a mantle of purity and calm. There is no greater beauty than to watch a snow storm come your way and cover the landscape. The soul can really respond to such moments. But we still have the Labor Day weekend and I'm still hoping to get in one or two more barbecues before the grill gets packed away for another season. Actually that's not quite true. We may not eat outside but we do cook on occassion for several more weeks.
I think I have told you that I have a wood stove in the kitchen. It is my love. Soon I'll have it going 24 hours a day for the next 7 or 8 months. The kitchen is actually a wing off the house and is about 26 by 15 feet. Because of the heat of the wood stove, I probably live in that room a majority of the year. The only TV in the house is in the kitchen, and the kitchen table is 7 feet long. A wood bench hugs one of the walls near the wood stove and currently holds at least 20 of my books! Parallel to the kitchen is the dining room with two walls that are almost all window panels. I have an unobstructed view of fields and hillsides and it is in this room that I meditate quite frequently. I can really "still" myself in this room and find a peace unparrelled in any other room of the house.
Do remember, I live a simple and quiet life in the country moved by such things as a herron flying into the stream, a deer and a fawn crossing the fields, tractors cutting the oats or corn in the farmer's fields or the bellowing of cattle in a neighbors field.
I'll close with a funny incident that took place about 25 years ago. My little homestead is fifteen acres surrounded by dairy and horse farms 10 times bigger. When I moved up here in 1980, I bought a tractor from a farmer that also did farm equipment sales and repair. His first name was Sye not sure if the spelling is correct. He was a big burly man with the heart of a child. Anyway, I so wanted that tractor here for when my brother came to visit for the weekend. Having the tractor - in my mind represented having made it into the big league of farmer. I probably whined a bit and then Sye turned to me and said, "...we have the real farmers and then we have the play farmers. And the real farmers come first." That was the end of the conversation. In the scheme of things, I learned my place early!
I bid you all a good Sunday. August 25 The River"The River"
Your early morning walks to greet the dawning of the day.
The path has felt your footfalls so many times.
Chilled mornings accompany your quiet reflections.
Alone you now communicate with this quiet river.
Sitting on haunches you watch its quiet flow.
You look deeply into the moving currents
and wonder what answers lie there but for the asking.
You dip your hand into the curling waters
and wonder what part of its journey you have altered.
Waters that run far - much like the spirit of your soul.
You walk to an inlet blanketed with the beauty of wild violets.
You stoop to pick a handful
and one by one you lay them in your hand,
much like the matchsticks in that little wooden box.
And are you not like the lore of that modest little flower?
Modest and shy wanting to be held,
like that cluster of purple crowns sitting in your hand.
Momentary images of a soul
that toys and flirts with something deep inside.
Nameless and faceless.
And what of those late night yearnings,
those walks deep into the night.
Two naked souls tightly entwined
wanting to hold each other forever.
Does she know what she has claimed and taken as her own?
Morning reflections and that gnawing question...
"Can it ever be?"
One last look at this river that once again has failed
to give you answers...
but whispers back...
"The answers are deep within."
You walk back with the remembrances of this walk.
Twelve little violets resting in your hand.
************************************************************ August 24 Rereading entries.I am not one to edit my work! After reading yesterday's entry I'm almost embarrassed with all the tense errors. I type what comes to mind and then don't bother to re-read it. I think i should change my habits here. I shall come back and blog an old poem. Until..... Bittersweet August 23 A train whistle. This morning I was reading and a train whistle blew in the distance. I paused a minute to listen to it as it trailed off into the distance. For some reason, trains always hold a fascination. Maybe it's their size or imposing bulk but I do pay attention. As I was listening to the call of its whistle I started to wonder what were my most powerful images and three come to mind; the train scene in "Julia," with Vanessa Redgrave and Jane Fonda, where Lillian Helman mets her friend Julia on a train in Nazi Germany, a train trip I took as a 6 or 7 year old child with my twin brother and mother into N.Y.C. where I remember being lifted up onto the train by the conductor and driving across New Mexico watching this bean of light get closer and closer - covering miles of highway untill the freight train finally passed us from the opposite direction. I don't know if it the enormity of the open landscape or the power of the train that impressed me more but when you travel open highways, and for that moment that train represents the only human life you are in contact with, somehow or in some way that behemoth represents life at that moment. I also remember driving parallel to the freight tracks, and then all of a sudden seeing it vere off into the distance. But I think it is the train scene in the movie "Julia" that moves me the most. Lillian Hellman is waiting to board the train in the train station with all the ominous war signs in evidence and she waits on the platform as this imposing steam engine pulls up. It is a powerful introduction to the scene that follows where Lillian's friend Julia is passing off money to fight the Nazi war cause. So......do you have any memories that loom in your head? I close with the following poem I wrote in 3/1/01.
"The Fence"
Three strands of Kentucky rail running the ridge.
I never knew your purpose.
You started at the wood shed and ran to the linden tree.
Perhaps it was meant to link a sanctuary for reflection
with childhood memories.
Five years have come and gone.
Unseasoned wood now turned to a lustrous gray.
Delphiniums and rambling roses lost to time.
Wild field grass now hugs the posts and lower strands.
What once saw the beauty of your care left to the ravages of time.
A sole peony testimony to what once.
Yellow finches broadcasting their thistle seed my one remaining joy.
Hopefully, time will bring understanding and meaning to all that was.
******************************************************* August 22 Before green apples blush, It is always pleasant when one can start the day with a treasure. A friend of mine operates a small printing press out of her home - Honey Bee Press. She does a series of miniature books about two inches by two inches every year for an assortment of friends. They are engraved on English boxwood, hand coloured and hand printed. The hours and hours if not days that go into doing the engraving and printing is phenominal. Anyway, she took a line from Christina Rossetti's poem "Summer," Before green apples blush, Before green nuts embrown, Why, one day in the country, is worth a month in town." and uses it as the heart to the book. She has an engraving at the beginning, a man and a woman with a tree with a squirrel and a bird in the tree and then makes the jacket which is also an engraving. Then she hand paints where she thinks it is appropriate. And that was my morning mail.
And of course, I then do a search with the line and find the poem that the line was taken from. Always such a delight. Little treasures that are priceless.
Today is most pleasant - atypical for this time of year. Pleasant, clear and refreshing. So I'll spend a little time outside taking inj the last of summer. The purple loosestreif is blooming in the fields and pastures and the locust are chattering their final song the cool summer nights bring about their demise. Until tomorrow.....Bittersweet
August 18 Full circle again. Friday and the world is well. I think anyway. We are expected to hit a high of 85 and while we aren't overly sunny, it is pleasant out.
I have a confession. I am a "closeted" football fan, more specifically a New York Giants fan. Have been for 30 or more years maybe even 40 years! Last night was a pre-season game and they did well against the Kansas City Chiefs. They have shored - up their offense so I think we'll have a good year.
At the moment, the outside of the house is being painted. Certain sides and walls, because of the winter elements seems to peel more easily than other sides so most of the walls are being sanded, primed and painted. I've wanted to get the shutters scraped and painted as well but that might be next years project. And after the outside, I'm hoping to do four of the rooms inside. My bedroom and the living room are getting a new color and the dining room and kitchen stay white. So lots of activity in the homestead.
I just picked up several books, one by Madeline Albright entitled, "The Mighty and the Almighty." I read her previous memoir and enjoyed it so am looking forward to this book.
I subscribe to a booklovers newsletter entitled "The Book Bag." she's a bibliophile who sends out this 4 to 6 page newsletter every other month on books she's reading, critiques or just readers comments. Actually she calls herself an autodidact's literary newsletter. Every newsletter has a different theme; this month it was "it's the law," and next month it's on "influence." It is an absolute delight and when it comes, I devour it. What it has done was expose me to different areas of interest as well as she shares what is currently on her nightstand. So I've started looking at history. I also picked up "Teams of Rivals" by Doris Kerns Goodwin about Abe Lincoln and his cabinet. I'm sure that will be a supurb read.
So the day brightens and I'm looking forward to a few hours of pleasant reading. Peace.....Bittersweet on the hill.
P.S. a blogger friend mentioned that she had difficulty reading the small print. And the default print on this site is truly small. So I have taken to using a larger font size and using bold lettering. We might want to keep this in mind for our sight impaired friends.
August 16 My gift of irises. Every year I give myself a gift of a few iris bulbs. It started a number of years ago and I've just kept adding to them each year. Over the past couple of years I've ordered from several iris farms and this year it was from Schreinerer's Iris Garden. A friend of mine from Minnesota, when she heard I liked irises said, would you like me to send you some. She still had access to her grandmother's homestead and she said they almost grow wild. You can't kill them. So weeks later, a large box arrived with about 100 yellow iris bulbs. I think they are probably one of the original irises that Schreiner's produced. So amoungst the rest of my irises is this yellow wave of irises. Every year I expand the bed by cultivating a new space, line it with flat rocks which protects the irises and plant within that space. So this circle keeps growing. But this year I said to myself, I'm going to limit my purchase to 10 or 12 and limit myself to just several colors. In past years, I'd order 6 of this and 4 of that so it is quite the splash of color.
Several days ago my Schreiner's order came and I'm finally getting to planting them today. I opened the box, and noticed a card saying 5 rhizomes and I kind of said to myself, oh, they couldn't fill my order. I looked at the list andwanted to review in my head what colors I had ordered. Boysenberry buttercup, classic look, fashion statement, merlot and blueberry bliss! "This isn't what I ordered!" A card was attached and it said, "Merry Christmas, love Leslie." Ok.....a Christmas gift early. So mine haven't arrived. Each bulb came with a picture. The merlot and blueberry bliss are what the name implies. Classic look is white with blue ruffles on the edge and fashion statement is quite lovely - a lavender orchid color with an orange beard. Very, very lovely. and the boysenberry has blue/purple falls with yellow standards. Also lovely..In fact they are all delightful.
At the moment they are planted with additional space for when my 10 or 12 come. The stone perimeter has been layed and except for the bonemeal and some mulch, I am all set for spring to come. Did I just hop over fall and winter! Oh well. Bittersweet on the hill. August 14 Family heirloom. One of the things I see from my place at the kitchen table is an antique breakfront with a tea set displayed on the open shelves. The breakfront is in a middle room, a small room that you walk through to get to the living room and the rest of the house. Anyway, it is not a full dinner set but a tea set with a tea and coffee pot, serving tray and 6 dessert plates, cups and saucers and sugar and creamer. I'm sure many people pass it without giving it much attention but for me, it is very special. It is Dresden blue with a gold edge and actually very elegant in appearance. It was a wedding gift from my paternal grandparents to Mom and Dad. They were married in 1933 in this country and the gift was brought by my grandparents by way of a steamer, (steam ship.) While Dad's mom and dad did visit once before my birth, I never met either set of grandparents. Most of what remains of my family still live in Germany and as far as I know, my three brothers and I are the only members of the family clan that live in this country. There is a sadness when I think that I never had the joys that come with an extended family. Family occassions consisted of my parents and three siblings. I never knew what it was like to have a grandmother or grandfather to dote over me, to give me a hug, play with me or just do something special that would add to the memories of childhood. I do have one picture of Dad's parents standing in my mother's rock garden with some free range chickens running around. That is the only tangible item except for this set of china that they brought with them on their only visit to this country.
This set from Dresden is perhaps one of my most cherished things. Dresden as we all know was totally bombed out during the war which included all the factory's that were so well known for their china. These are pieces that can never be replaced. But more importantly, it is my personal history. It represents my lineage and that one picture represents the passing on of a gift from my grandparents to my parents and now I am the keeper of that gift. August 10 Breakfast was a treat. This morning it was Zabar's lox, bagels and cream cheese. Pete went into NYC with his boss and as usual, their trip into the city always includes a stop at Zabar's a deli known for everything and anything. Their smoked fish includes everything from smoked sturgeon, smoked tuna, whitefish and of course their lox. They slice it right in front of you and each slice is paper thin. It is almost transparent. This morning's lox was just outstanding, fresh, not overly salty and a delight to the taste buds. They make their own cream cheese with sour cream added which gives it a slightly tangy taste. Toast the onion bagel slightly and you are set. And don't forget the hot coffee. Lunch will include a marinated calamari salad, some nice cheeses and fresh buel bread. Talk about being spoiled. Yes, I said it!
It is only the 10th of August and you can sense a change in the air. I think we are going to have an early fall and a snowy winter. The red-winged black birds have already departed as have many of the black birds, and most of the yellow finches. We have kept some of the feeders filled with thistle seed throughout the year so some of the finches have stayed the winter season. What I did notice is that there were only a pair or two of mourning doves here for the summer and now I'm seeing 20 or 30 doves eating at anyone time. And then one of my little favorites, the nut hatchers are back. And the cardinals and chickadees now spend the summer as well. With the global warming, many of the chickadees are spending more time north. They like colder weather and it is noticeable that we have less of them. I didn't see the grosbeak but I did spy the scarlett tanger on several occassions and the baltimore orioles.
There is a new feel and dryness in the air. It's beginning to have that feel of early fall. And the trees are beginning to drop a few leaves. So we'll see if my prediction comes true.
And of course summer is the time to get the fire wood cut and split so it has the benefit of several months of drying time. We ordered a truck load of tree trunks about 15 feet long and had them dropped off on the field across the street. After cutting and splitting the wood, i'd say we have 6 to 8 cords of wood drying out. So I think we'll have more than enough to keep the woodstove roaring.
I came across this poem I wrote several years ago. I think it reflects a contentment with where I am in life and in some ways, I feel blessed in that I can feel and acknowledge that contentment. Life still holds many challenges but I can embrace those challenges knowing that I have the strength and fortitude to handle those challenges.
"I Bow to Self"
A struggle with self.
Milestones reached.
The journey transitions into
a struggle with the soul.
Shedding of life's covers.
A recognition.
Required attention.
New seeds of contemplation.
What becomes of life's learned lessons?
Retooled -- a new understanding.
A new beginning.
Hermitess - priestess to my soul.
Desert vistas, journey's end.
Prickly cactus, random blooms,
touched with caution.
Fading sun and darkened vistas.
A new light.
Sheltering my soul.
Welcomed quietude.
And now the real purpose of life.
Aridness.
I beckon the rain.
Incantations.
I'll dance with you.
I'll let you run down my body.
Drench and free my soul.
Purification.
*********************************************
9/03/02
August 09 Shadows
August 05 Nickerson's Creek Last evening I was doing something in the kitchen and I could hear the children swimming down by the creek. They were about a field away but they were screaming with utmost delight. It's was dusk and what I call lightening bug time. I said to Pete, ...."Can you hear the kids?" He said, ...."yeah that's what summer is about." It brough memories of when we were kids.....old Nickerson's Creek, the water hole that was about two miles from the house. A two mile bicycle ride that was almost all down hill. We started mentioning all the features we remembered. There was a place for the big kids, where old railroad ties were banked into the edge of the creek from where you could dive into the water.What was unique was that the railroad ties were submerged and when you dove off, you were knee high in water. The old boulder that sat across the stream jutting out from the hillside with that veinof smokey quartz running through it. And down where the younger kids swam, the underwater roots of the old willows. I always found that a bit creepy since it reminded me of possible snakes which were probably not far away. And the old apple trees provided apples when you were really hungry. The older guys always had a fire going and they cook the apples on spears. I'm not sure what that was supposed to do except char the worms that were possible inside the apples. And if you walked to the bridge and looked down, you could see the old cat fish just wadding and moving their tails and "mustaches."
This was where I first learned to swim in water over my head. I was still swimming in the little kids section but was waiting for the day I could swim in the big kids section. I was still in the little tyke category. If I could swim part way out into the stream and back to where i started, why couldn't I swim out and then up to where the railroad ties were nicely banked? I'd find a time when it was less crowded, about four when most kids were headed home and make my run from the lower section up to the big kids section. In truth it probably wasn't more than 30 feet. My moment finally came. I swam out to the center of the creek and then headed upstream. First part was going as planned. I remember feeling so excited. I was doing this. Then I started heading upstream . The first couple of paddles moved me forward but then I found myself going nowhere. I started paddling harder and still wasn't going anyware. No one had told me about the currents. In looking back, I guess that's why kids could float downnstream in inner tubes! Exhaustion started to set in. I was fighting with every ounce of muscle and strength I had. Finally I just let go of my struggle and sank into the water. I remember the feeling of just giving up and feeling such relief at not having to fight. It was such a peaceful moment - my body didn't have to fight anymore. And then a hand from nowhere grabbed me and pulled me out. It was Patrick, a neighbor and big brother type. I remember sitting on the railroad ties sputter a bit. And then he said, that if I had started from here and swam down-stream it would have been a lot easier. He probably said a lot more than that but that was all I heard. My first lesson in currents!
Several years later this would all be under water. The little stream would become Lake DeForrest, a four mile long lake and the water source for a good part of the county. New roads weave along the lake and what you can still see is the old boulder with the vein of smokey pink quartz wedged into the side of the mountain
August 04 Friday morning. Well the week has come to an end. I believe our heat wave has come to an end. Temperatures have dropped but the humidity is high. Rain early this morning but has tapered off. My weather report for the northeast today.
Yesterday a bird got into our woodstove chimney and my brother was gracious enough to pull it apart. A brutal day to be on the roof and when he took off the exterior pipes from the roof line up, this feathered thing dropped down into the pipe that was in the kitchen.
So took out a section in the kitchen. Sections of piping are laying all over the place but at least the bird got free and flew out the window. And of course it rained this morning so we scurrowing around with garbage bags to cover exposed sections. Ahh yes, life in the country. So now I'm trying to decide whether this is a good time to call the chimney sweep and have him put it together. Another $150. out the window.
My Sunday is dedicated to gardening. I am determined that nothing shall get in the way of committing the day to the gardening. If I don't get this done now, I can start thinking about closing things up for the fall.
The day lillies have been very thankful despite the field grasses that have crept into their space. I'll pull what is left of the weeds and hopefully I'll have day lillies for another 3 to 4 weeks. The hostas have been up but the heat has punished them. I've ordered some new irises and daffadils for fall planting and that shall be it until next spring. The mint has grown like crazy so now I shall pull most of it out!
I have to tell you a funny story about rosemary. I suppose it comes down to what part of the country you live in. Rosemary doesn't winter-over in the northeast no matter what you try. And trying to keep it going indoors is also very difficult. It just dries out from the heat in the house.
Anyway, in my house in Tucson, I had this three foot by four foot bush in front of the house. I liked it because it added greenery to the plantings out doors. It reminded me of something in the yew family. It resembled the size and coloring of the yews we have here in the north. After I moved in, a neighbor stopped by and asked, could I cut a sprig of your rosemary for my lamb tonight. I said sure....but I don't have any rosemary. She said.....sure you do, out front. So I followed her out and that wonderful yew turned out to be a rosemary bush! And I should have known. Every time the gardener came, he'd trim the bushes and I'd have this wonderful fragrance out front. So much for my rosemary bush. And I do have a story about dill! Next time. Bittersweet on the hill.
August 03 This is what summer is about! I guess this is what summer is about! It is utterly brutal. I'm sitting here in the dark looking for any breeze that might grace me. For the last 25 years, we've relied on the maple trees and the breezes from the open country-side. It seems as though things have changed greatly and I have to believe all this volitility in the weather has to do with global warming. We have an administration that doesn't seem to give a damn - about anything except control oil interests in the world, sinking us into greater debt and getting bigger and heftier tax cuts for the rich. And let's not forget about this war that is costing us more lives than was even conceived! The magic of Dessert Storm has worn off long ago and new we're faced with cuts in worthy programs to finance this disaster.
I'm currently experiencing some red-tape in the home health care system. I'm currently in need of those services for reasons I shall not go into but in order to receive those services, it must be in conjunction with nursing or therapeutic services which I don't need. I can get the services I need or want if I pay for it but unless you take and need the whole enchilada, you are stuck. And of course medicare is your first coverage before your own insurance kicks in.....so you are stuck! And for a nurse to stop in, is $160. a shot! Figuratively that is! And here i am.....30 plus years of state government service, a virtual non-user of the health care system, and when I need the service, I go through the 6th degree! And if you can believe this.....a supervisor said to me, if you were on medicaid, you get all of what you want/need! So, pissed I am.
So little chickens and old hens......prepare to take care of yourself because the time may come when you need health care services, and you may not get it unless you meet certain codes and regulations. Remember.....we have a war to fight and pay for.
Enough said for today. Yes, let's keep those big cars rolling out of Detroit and smile when you pay $3.00 plus per gallon of gas. Bittersweet on the hill.
August 01 Another month. All winter long I look forward to summer and the out of doors. And now summer is here and I'm staying indoors because of the heat and humidity. Todays index for temps and humidity might make it feel like 105 -110. Dangerous indeed. I'm sitting here with the lights off typing in partial darkness. Well not really darkness but with no light. Are we ever really happy? Sometimes I wonder but then I listen to the news on Isreal and Lebanon and sa shame to myself! Life has been very gracious to us and we should be more than thankful. I see the agony in peoples faces - the loss of life and home and then know what real unhappiness is. I wonder if common sense will ever prevail.
On Sunday I saw a snowy egret walking through our field and a wading pond created from residual rains of two weeks ago. Just beautiful in his movements. For years I watched a blue heron glide into the stream and this year is the first time I haven't seen him. I guess there is a life to everything.
I just went through the course offerings from Writer's on the Net and will probably take the first part of Poetic Prose by Barbara Henning. I just finished the second part this spring and figured I'd like to take the first part to see if taking it out of sequence makes a difference. She is certainly an accomplished writer and has created a wonderful course outline. All the courses taught through Writer's have been excellent.
Well, I shall embark on my day. Main effort will be to low-profile it and stay as still as possible. Bittersweet on the hill. |
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